Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Of late I am hung with this temperament of feeling a certain sense of lack of confidence, inadequacy, remorse and guilt about whatever I have done! For example; it is after I send a report that I feel I should have sent it in a different way or rather drafted it in a much better way! Would have ordered chicken,but once it arrives I crave for a vegan's fare (not always though)!!!Strange.....

I often indulge in introspection and ask myself why I do not hit at that later thought first in order to avoid regrets....Did a small research just to check if I was on the right track or whether I was going nuts!!

Most people lament about what they have done which cannot be undone!Regrets of a lifetime!Irreversible chemical changes.....
Some of them were bothered about changing boyfriends or girlfriends as the case may be.....Gulp ,it is fine as long as no heart gets hurt,is what I feel.

Few of my married friends feel that they have married in haste and now crave to be single.....Sigh ...God save them!!

Most to whom I spoke said they wanted to change their jobs for remuneration sake so that they can live better lives!! This is a situation they can easily tide over provided they make an earnest effort to change their jobs rather than stick on to the same company and crib day in and day out like me.

Well these were the common stuff ,but then I realized after a thorough investigation that my regrets are entirely different!!!

The most important thing I regret is passing out of school!! I was so happy there..How I enjoyed the thrill of being punished and made to stand out of class for long hours where I gazed and gazed at nature.I used to humm my own tunes and wallow in my own thoughts.....That certainly was better than being seated the whole day at office!!!

I really, really lament for NOT being able to scream at one of my colleagues for his /her infidelity.....my education and civilization forbids me.....a sore regret.Mmmmm, I think I'll be rueful till the time I throw finer instincts to the winds and then place my claws on him/her..

Every time I see a cockroach at home I feel sorry for it and let it roam around happily, unlike my better half who ensures to spray the pesticide (right on its head) and rejoices seeing it collapse!!Few days ago,it was a thunderbolt that struck me when I noticed that the filthy creature had attacked one of my beautiful salwars!!! Rochys....mind u ,dare not come before me, I will no longer lead you away from your killer....I've changed and I am not ur mother !!!

Another important thing which I regret every other weekend is buying something and then thinking of getting back to the shop to return it and pick up something else!!! I would have loved the stuff at first sight and would have grabbed it...but after reaching home the more I start admiring it the more flaws I find on it!! Finally I land up at the same shop the next weekend to return it!!! Dirty looks both from my better half and the shop keeper hang around me and it stinks too!! (Cant they give that look to some one else ?? Y always ME??)

Fighting with mom gives me immense pleasure! It is fun to come to blows with her actually!!! We go on arguing and I keep on bugging her till she goes bonkers !! I just love to see it!!! Hmmm.... wonder if I should regret,after all it is only mom! Still, if shes reading..I do regret mom,Sorry! (pssst, don't read this bit, I am lying now)

And here comes the one which I hate the most!!! I stop by every mirror at office or every glass door just to check on the extent of its flattery....... whether my hair is intact, whether the glow on my face is as it were since two hours ago....typical female fancies which can be forgiven.But I forget about people on the other side of the glass door who will be staring at me....Very often I get caught while posing smiles or setting up my hair or adjusting my stole!!! Not a Big sin…still I want to keep away from doing it ..Help me Mirror.. ..please don’t provoke me to look at u often!!!!

I commit a lot more of these habitual exercises over which I grieve every other day!!! Now after scribbling this I have positively decided to turn over a new leaf..lets see!!! 