Wednesday, June 23, 2010

One of my relatives, an overtly affectionate middleaged Aunt, recently visited me..A very warm and cordial lady she is, as always, but my nerves knot up at her very sight because of the very many irritating habits that she has..the worst being kissing in the manner of spitting!!!

I warmly welcomed her but ensured I maintained a safe distance so that i dont land up to be her prey. She gets hyper when it comes to affection ....spewing,smooching and smudging her saliva on the face of her victim ,all in the name of a maternal kiss…Ruining my well combed, shampooed hair by continuously rubbing through it with her fingers as though I am her pet Pomeranian is another brutal act of love! And can you believe what happened on my wedding day? My reflection in the mirror told me that the beautician had done her job well. Reluctantly I bowed before my bounteous Aunt for her blessings….I knew this would happen and was extra cautious. But my very emotional Aunt ensured that she chinned me up and blessed me by passionately splodging the makeup on my face which was just out of the parlour with her damned saliva.In a jiffy her next spurt of affection made her comb her fingers through my well set hair which finally stood out like horns on either side....she grinned contentedly and proudly at all who watched the show much,very much to my embarrassment!!Thus i hate over affection!!

Colleagues peeping into my system ..that too at office when I am busy sorting out escalations…....on top of it asking questions like “Madam busy huh? Unfeelingly tugging at my hair clip or ear drops at that point of time inspite of knowing the tension coursing my veins.

Reading news paper is something which I do on a daily basis..please note, I read only the supplement..Imagine when you are curious to the core while reading the most hyped gossip, how disgusting it is to have someone peeping from above or from the side trying to read bits and pieces of it!.....the culprit usually will be my better half tweeting!!! I hate it!!!!

I love going on a vacation to my home town to eat good food and for meeting my dear and near ones..Thats when my mom tells me..”please ensure you meet so and so aunty and so and so uncle's daughter's wife..oops I meant daughter's cousin.."they enquired about sweet of them”!!
I agree it is very sweet of them to enquire but mom fails to realize that it is just a polite, customary, meaningless enquiry!! When I crave to relax and enjoy at my home she expects me to go meet people and give them that fake smile ..and usually the conversation with such people goes like this.....

Hello are you…where are u working these days
(I would have answered this question every time I met them)

The next one will be..Ooh my sister's son's kid works u know him???
Yes,yes(snide), it is very easy to find that sister's son's kid among 2 lakh people working across 5 different buildings at Bangalore)

And haven't you travelled yet?? That’s baaaad…my son went 5 times to Antartica and now he is in Switzerland on a new project..
(So?????? Good for him!!)

Sigh!!! I some how fake a headache to get out of that place before mom comes with another request to meet another family who falls under the similar category!!!
That is done......But the worst is yet to overanxious Mom gets visibly disturbed....she announces to all and sundry about this awful headache that tortures her dear girl.....My father is urged to fix an appointment with a doctor friend...paracetamols litter my room,"how do you feel" questions nearly drive me crazy!! Finally I get bundled into a doctor's clinic....So much for an overanxious Mamma...even when iam fit and fine!!

New people new likes new dislikes and it goes on..NO ESCAPE!!!!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Well its been a while since I thought I should be blogging ..but work, work and more work kept me away even from having peaceful biobreaks…Finally late in the night I felt I should scribble something!!!
Again that growling..rather snoring of my better half which has over the years assumed a lullaby effect on me compels me to get back to bed and sleep..but Perseverance is holding me back today!!Well talking about Perseverance makes me think of how lazy iam!!

I remember those days when I used to starve just because I was so slothful to even bend down and get the stuff kept on the lower rack of the refridgerator!!!
Same with the copy writing at school.. mom used to hold my hand ,with a pencil inserted in between my fingers ,writing my transcription book while I would be fast asleep…
I tried to change my behavioral patterns many a time but of no avail. After marriage it is more like a competition at home as to who is lazier and I truly enjoy this game!!
Weekends will be dedicated for cleaning the house..ideally sweeping and mopping-One of us will tidy up and the other wil sweep and mop-Tidying up will only involve moving the remote of the TV from the dining table to the tea poy!! And Sweeping and mopping wil stop once the smallest room of the house sparkles!

Laziness takes a different stride on me at work place..usually it strikes me hard on Fridays!! Gosh I guess Friday has a crush on me cos it tries its maximum to get me out of office early..Some how the Friday fever hits me hard right from Friday morning and continues till the time i am out of office… A 'love letter'usually awaits me at office on Mondays due to the Friday lethargy 

Day in day out I've been warned by people about the increase in the number of flabs in my body!!Just 10 steps up and I reach the Gym! But no ,not me ....nobody can noose me to the gym because there lies this issue..the treadmill is always free since no one uses it..and I hate to see it unused . If only it was forever being treaded on I could have convinced my conscience that I couldn't use it for a valid reason!!!

Well I hope this does not continue long term as I feel it is a disease iam suffering from…you can ensure you’ve become a lazy bum when these symptoms are seen
Perpetual hunger
No Interest in any kind of activity
A "I -can't -be bothered -to think" attitude
Getting angry
Weird look always
Fault finding
Upset for no reason
Strain to move from one seat to another
Eye strain while reading, especially while reading a levelheaded book
Dreaming about a cozy bed while handling an escalation at work

And now iam working on a panacea to correct these!! Join me if ur diseased!!! :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Of late I am hung with this temperament of feeling a certain sense of lack of confidence, inadequacy, remorse and guilt about whatever I have done! For example; it is after I send a report that I feel I should have sent it in a different way or rather drafted it in a much better way! Would have ordered chicken,but once it arrives I crave for a vegan's fare (not always though)!!!Strange.....

I often indulge in introspection and ask myself why I do not hit at that later thought first in order to avoid regrets....Did a small research just to check if I was on the right track or whether I was going nuts!!

Most people lament about what they have done which cannot be undone!Regrets of a lifetime!Irreversible chemical changes.....
Some of them were bothered about changing boyfriends or girlfriends as the case may be.....Gulp ,it is fine as long as no heart gets hurt,is what I feel.

Few of my married friends feel that they have married in haste and now crave to be single.....Sigh ...God save them!!

Most to whom I spoke said they wanted to change their jobs for remuneration sake so that they can live better lives!! This is a situation they can easily tide over provided they make an earnest effort to change their jobs rather than stick on to the same company and crib day in and day out like me.

Well these were the common stuff ,but then I realized after a thorough investigation that my regrets are entirely different!!!

The most important thing I regret is passing out of school!! I was so happy there..How I enjoyed the thrill of being punished and made to stand out of class for long hours where I gazed and gazed at nature.I used to humm my own tunes and wallow in my own thoughts.....That certainly was better than being seated the whole day at office!!!

I really, really lament for NOT being able to scream at one of my colleagues for his /her education and civilization forbids me.....a sore regret.Mmmmm, I think I'll be rueful till the time I throw finer instincts to the winds and then place my claws on him/her..

Every time I see a cockroach at home I feel sorry for it and let it roam around happily, unlike my better half who ensures to spray the pesticide (right on its head) and rejoices seeing it collapse!!Few days ago,it was a thunderbolt that struck me when I noticed that the filthy creature had attacked one of my beautiful salwars!!! Rochys....mind u ,dare not come before me, I will no longer lead you away from your killer....I've changed and I am not ur mother !!!

Another important thing which I regret every other weekend is buying something and then thinking of getting back to the shop to return it and pick up something else!!! I would have loved the stuff at first sight and would have grabbed it...but after reaching home the more I start admiring it the more flaws I find on it!! Finally I land up at the same shop the next weekend to return it!!! Dirty looks both from my better half and the shop keeper hang around me and it stinks too!! (Cant they give that look to some one else ?? Y always ME??)

Fighting with mom gives me immense pleasure! It is fun to come to blows with her actually!!! We go on arguing and I keep on bugging her till she goes bonkers !! I just love to see it!!! Hmmm.... wonder if I should regret,after all it is only mom! Still, if shes reading..I do regret mom,Sorry! (pssst, don't read this bit, I am lying now)

And here comes the one which I hate the most!!! I stop by every mirror at office or every glass door just to check on the extent of its flattery....... whether my hair is intact, whether the glow on my face is as it were since two hours ago....typical female fancies which can be forgiven.But I forget about people on the other side of the glass door who will be staring at me....Very often I get caught while posing smiles or setting up my hair or adjusting my stole!!! Not a Big sin…still I want to keep away from doing it ..Help me Mirror.. ..please don’t provoke me to look at u often!!!!

I commit a lot more of these habitual exercises over which I grieve every other day!!! Now after scribbling this I have positively decided to turn over a new leaf..lets see!!! 

Friday, January 22, 2010

1)A Lady can make eyebrows raise and get attention and appreciation from people seated in every nook and corner of the floor when she steps in dressed well.....On the same day a guy chooses to walk in well dressed for a client presentation.....askance looks follow him and he is asked "Sanju,fancy dress competition today huh?"

2) When a clientele comes in, the team welcomes them..The team lead or may be the most handsome guy among the lot gives a summary of what is done and how the process goes,but the clients keep smiling and ogling at all the girls around even while the dude here struggles to give his best possible briefing!!!

3) Briefing over…..The Client blurts a statement and chuckles while the rest of the team bellow a hearty laugh although puzzled and confused about the "multi crore VVIP" joke....least realizing that it was his way of expressing his downright sarcasm about the process that was happens and that too very subtly!!:)

4) Never ending conference calls are always dealt with hate and abhorrence …the saddest part is when nature's call strikes you hard at the climax of the call…the only option would be to put the phone on mute…run to the loo,ease, get back and then blare an excuse..”oops I was on mute”...and then update on the issue !!

5)Breaks are taken only to bitch about others!!! Managers about reportees and reportees about managers and peers!! And few noseys join only the managers for breaks…This is mainly to give false inputs about his/her own team mates and hype about his/her contribution and how the customer appreciated him last night for being connected till midnight….but why did he connect till midnight? Did he actually have work? Well every one knows!!!

6)When a company's policy says an internal movement happens only if he/she has completed 18-24 months in a specific team …few(like the ones I mentioned above-Break mates) move from one role to another in 6 months!! of them remain in the same team for years slogging ..poor souls…!!!…

7) Another important activity is to add all the clients that he or she supports in orkut or face book accounts ..and keep updating status messages some what similar to this

"Gosh been working since 48hrs now...I still love it!! :)"

Isn't it a clever exclamation to make them feel that this particular “orkuteer or face booker” is the only one slogging..and the next day this he/she is blessed with a long appreciation mail!!! What an idea Sirji!!!

8) At the performance review meeting the manager dutifully remembers the little that you’ve not done, and conveniently forgets the bulk that you have achieved…... to cap it all he then tries to convince you that his break mates are better than you!Few dumbos do get convinced!!!

9) Some smarties are known for delegating work to poor new joinees who struggle to win acclaim as they are newbies…On the pretext of training the newbies the gentlemen get their work done by these poor souls and find their way up to the wall of fame without shedding a drop of sweat! Smart guys....some are born great and meritorious, some achieve greatness and merit and some have greatness and merit thrust upon them....our guys fall in the third category

Well I stop with 9 !!..but would love to know more of such interesting facts..
still investigating and the trail goes on.....…

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Dearest "Go"

Had been to kerala few weeks ago to attend a friend's wedding…also to have some lip-smacking home made food ,by courtesy, mom!! As always mom was a little anxious about not having a maid at home to help her with the cleaning and swabbing because it certainly is a tough job when she has to do it all alone!!!

In fact I was getting jaded as she started off again with the same topic when I modestly dropped the plate of snacks on the floor,while watching tv.I swear that wasn’t intentional ,didn't even think that I should do something to avoid her as she was nagging about me being glued in front of the idiot box all the time!! Any way fortunately the door bell rang and she quickly wiped the floor and went to check who it was !!…I followed her.

It was a prospective maid waiting to be interviewed by the one woman chair... my mom!! And mom started off with negotiating her package…

This took me back to my childhood days when we had a maid at home!! Her name was Gomathy and I had given her the nick name “Go” . She was a funny woman , pretty sweet but slightly dumb! And I was at my most mischievous self…..7th or 8th std if my memory is correct!

Those were the days when I used to have carnatic music classes twice in a week. My music teacher used to come home and teach me for almost 2 hrs a day!
For me, it was a two hour caging and crooning without pitch and emotion with that sweet lady only to forget what was taught till the next class when the whole exercise was mechanically repeated.

One fine day I heard ‘Go’ grating the song that my music teacher taught me! It was so horrible and I wondered why God was so cruel while giving her such growling voice! During her solo concert she saw me watching her and came forward with a request “will u teach me music” ?

My ego swelled and my excitement knew no bounds when I heard this and we started off with our Music classes. Mind you ‘Go’ was between 55 and 60 yrs of age. After few days of initializing i told her i was substituting notes with words..i sang..Go go go ..Ma ma ma..Ti ti ti....and she repeated her drone.The nit wit did not realize that i was playing with her own name!!……My bass was her highest pitch and we used to turn the house a babel, what with my screechy tone accompanying her braying!!

She had subsequent interests like being photographed…the imp in me used to make her pose like a 20 year old model for an ad before a camera which had no film in it.She had no qualms about dressing the way i wanted her to..This weakness in her I exploited and very often made her dip her face in her favourite talcum bin...just to tell her she looks gorgeous after making her apply half a tin on her face....Flattery has its own limits..Remember i was a bad kid!!!!

Watching TV serials was another interesting leisure pursuit of hers .She used to finish off all her work as quickly as possible to get herself placed before the TV to watch her favorite serials. Most of the days by 9 pm my mom used to have a tough time consoling her for the death of the hero's wife!! She used to cry as if the hero was her son!!!

‘Go’ used to enjoy a nap every day after a heavy lunch.As much as she enjoyed her food was she devotional . She used to chant prayers even while working…The Chimney tube ended at the terrace from the kitchen and I used to go to the terrace, stand next to the edge of the chimney tube and say “Gomathiii this is lord Krishna calling you... I am pleased with your prayers..tell me one wish”
Poor Go used to get so scared as my voice reached down through the chimney tube with an echo which in turn enhanced the divine effect…

Playing pranks with ‘Go’ was one of my activities after school…Also teaching her English was something I loved . I think I managed to teach her names of all common vegetables :)

It was fun spending time with her and I would say she was one of a kind!!

Poor dame had to leave our place due to ill health!!!
But I really miss my ‘Go’!!!

Mom any way seems to have recruited the lady who was waiting outside!Iam sure she can never ever match up with my sweet 'GO'!!