Tuesday, February 9, 2010

If only I could Change......




Of late I am hung with this temperament of feeling a certain sense of lack of confidence, inadequacy, remorse and guilt about whatever I have done! For example; it is after I send a report that I feel I should have sent it in a different way or rather drafted it in a much better way! Would have ordered chicken,but once it arrives I crave for a vegan's fare (not always though)!!!Strange.....

I often indulge in introspection and ask myself why I do not hit at that later thought first in order to avoid regrets....Did a small research just to check if I was on the right track or whether I was going nuts!!

Most people lament about what they have done which cannot be undone!Regrets of a lifetime!Irreversible chemical changes.....
Some of them were bothered about changing boyfriends or girlfriends as the case may be.....Gulp ,it is fine as long as no heart gets hurt,is what I feel.

Few of my married friends feel that they have married in haste and now crave to be single.....Sigh ...God save them!!

Most to whom I spoke said they wanted to change their jobs for remuneration sake so that they can live better lives!! This is a situation they can easily tide over provided they make an earnest effort to change their jobs rather than stick on to the same company and crib day in and day out like me.


Well these were the common stuff ,but then I realized after a thorough investigation that my regrets are entirely different!!!

The most important thing I regret is passing out of school!! I was so happy there..How I enjoyed the thrill of being punished and made to stand out of class for long hours where I gazed and gazed at nature.I used to humm my own tunes and wallow in my own thoughts.....That certainly was better than being seated the whole day at office!!!

I really, really lament for NOT being able to scream at one of my colleagues for his /her infidelity.....my education and civilization forbids me.....a sore regret.Mmmmm, I think I'll be rueful till the time I throw finer instincts to the winds and then place my claws on him/her..

Every time I see a cockroach at home I feel sorry for it and let it roam around happily, unlike my better half who ensures to spray the pesticide (right on its head) and rejoices seeing it collapse!!Few days ago,it was a thunderbolt that struck me when I noticed that the filthy creature had attacked one of my beautiful salwars!!! Rochys....mind u ,dare not come before me, I will no longer lead you away from your killer....I've changed and I am not ur mother !!!

Another important thing which I regret every other weekend is buying something and then thinking of getting back to the shop to return it and pick up something else!!! I would have loved the stuff at first sight and would have grabbed it...but after reaching home the more I start admiring it the more flaws I find on it!! Finally I land up at the same shop the next weekend to return it!!! Dirty looks both from my better half and the shop keeper hang around me and it stinks too!! (Cant they give that look to some one else ?? Y always ME??)

Fighting with mom gives me immense pleasure! It is fun to come to blows with her actually!!! We go on arguing and I keep on bugging her till she goes bonkers !! I just love to see it!!! Hmmm.... wonder if I should regret,after all it is only mom! Still, if shes reading..I do regret mom,Sorry! (pssst, don't read this bit, I am lying now)

And here comes the one which I hate the most!!! I stop by every mirror at office or every glass door just to check on the extent of its flattery....... whether my hair is intact, whether the glow on my face is as it were since two hours ago....typical female fancies which can be forgiven.But I forget about people on the other side of the glass door who will be staring at me....Very often I get caught while posing smiles or setting up my hair or adjusting my stole!!! Not a Big sin…still I want to keep away from doing it ..Help me Mirror.. ..please don’t provoke me to look at u often!!!!

I commit a lot more of these habitual exercises over which I grieve every other day!!! Now after scribbling this I have positively decided to turn over a new leaf..lets see!!! 

30 comments:

subu.ps said...

All the best Vinee !! Good introspection. Sometimes these thoughts help us to understand our inner self better and make us good human beings :)

Anita :) said...

Hmmm agree with on how better bringing up being a threat to actually how we want to behave... and the mirror ...probably u know abt it!!
But I really dont regret getting married... I got more freedom after marriage.. I grew up listening to 'ya..u can do all that after ur marriage.. Now listen to MEE!' So enjoying it all now.. teh trips..movies.... I am sure same is the case with u.. :)
And I am sorry for your friend who regrets it.
Hmmm.

Anita :) said...

and the title... 'If only I could change' ?? DONT!!!

ganesh said...

Lovely Writing Vinee...thanks for this. Remember we spoke just 2 days back when i asked when is the next blog coming :)

Aparnaa said...

Another good one Vineeta.. looking forward for uar next blog!!! :)

Vinay said...

Hey Good one ! Btw, these thoughts what you shared shows that you are leading a "Normal Life".

Peeping in the mirror checking out how you look is not a bad idea. Sometimes when you watch the mirror your confidence level increases - Keep peeping into the mirror, no matter what others care for you or think about you! "You should lead your life and take full control of your life ":-) Enjoy and many more to come !Cheers Vinay

Rags said...

Neat one and to be frank a thought running one

Zcorpi said...

Again a gud one but honestly we are what we are and we are happy the way we are - atleast in my opinion .Why bother to ponder or about it too much about it and consider If to change ... :-)

Vineeta said...

@Subodh Chetta-Thank uu..introspection was done just to check if i was OK ;)

@ Anita-I think i regret about weird stuffs! Hehe will try to change for the better :)

@Ganesh-Thanks for reading all my blogs!

@Aparnaa-Thanks dear!!

@Vinay-heheh yup i was unsure whether all that was normal and uve made it clear to me that its all part of Normal Life..Thanks again for reading Vinay

@rags-Thank u soo much :)

@Zcorpi-Thanks ..will think about ur advise and try not to change :)

Asif said...

Vineeta….What a lovely post!!! Aahh your writing style made it all soo special.
In fact you presented such things so hilariously. Well after reading this I see you as a Impulsive being who is always happy. Mind you… there is nothing wrong with it and no need to change your self. You are living as you want to be and as you like it to be :) and believe me not many can live like that. And if at all you try to change, that happiness no longer will be with you.
Hey why don’t you just show those particular lines about placing claws to the guy/girl, who is making your life miserable at the office? At least then he/she will realise what you are up to if they continue to be what they are :)….Hehehe did you sharpen your claws???
Well about mirrors? I wish I could witness it.
BTW what are you going to return today? :P (secret…Make your hubby do the returning part . **Hoping he doesn’t read it :), ohkayyy I know he read it already…I’m quietly leaving this place** )
@Aunty…Please go and fight with vineeta, it seems she is missing you a lot these days.

Vineeta said...

@Asif...what can i say! Well i think u got me through the lines!!! And ur a perfect mind reader i should say!! Your right; iam craving for a fight with mom as its been long!!! And Thank you soo much for understanding the depth of my words the way i wanted....:) Keep dropping by :)

Vineeta said...

And about mirrors..i wish no one sees it ;)

Sanju said...

Just one thing...dont change :)

Vineeta said...

Trying sanju :)

Gaurav Ajmera said...

lol .. nice read .. happens to every sane n normal person out THERE .. so chill ..

BTW, navigated to ur blog thru orkut .. hope its ok (n u dnt regret accepting this comment :P )

Vineeta said...

Thanks for reading Gaurav:) comments are always acceptable.. :)so thats absolutely fine :)

ഹാഫ് കള്ളന്‍||Halfkallan said...

He he .. kewl read !

Vineeta said...

Thank u Half kallan!! cool name ;)

Rachit Goel said...

That was gr8! U actually think while you write or you don't think at all and write in one stride?
Whatever it is, its the best...Keep writing. Following u for ur exceptional writing.

Plz visit my blogs at:

http://mydumbgirl.blogspot.com
http://rachitonlinesays.blogpsot.com
http://vit-university.blogspot.com

Rachit Goel said...

BTW, nice template...From where did u steal it? k..k...sorry :P
Could u plz increase ur fonts size a little, gives strain to eyes to read the post...

ഹാഫ് കള്ളന്‍||Halfkallan said...

@Vineeta .. Anita referred ur blog .. i know its a cool name :-|

Vineeta said...

Rachit-Thank you soo much..I seldom think..just jot down whatever that comes to my mind :) and regarding the template..just do a search on google and ull find similar and even better ones....i shall definitly increase the Font size..Thanks for the honest feedback :)

Vineeta said...

Half kalln-Yes i do see ur comments on her blog:) we are pretty close friends :)

moonlite:D said...

:)

ഹാഫ് കള്ളന്‍||Halfkallan said...

Hmm .. anitakku angane thanne venam !

Vineeta said...

CHandrakala-Biiiig Smiiiiile:)))!
Half kallan-Grrrr Lol!!

Zcorpi said...

Where did you vanish ? No blogs ?

viSHwAmiTHraN said...

superb piece..:)
btw lazy ppl are the smartest on earth..
so flaunt it in its purest form!!

Vineeta said...

Viswamithran-lol i believe it that way too ;)

Vineeta said...

Zcorpi-V busy these days..hardly find time :(

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